Trá Las Canteras, Éanair 2020
“Is maith an capall a tharraingíonn a chairt féin”
seanfhocal
We are living through scary times. Never in my lifetime has there been a situation where nearly every country has had to go into some form of lockdown, and the people have had to isolate in their homes. It feels like something out of dystopian novel. There is no doubt that this situation is going to have an effect on how we perceive the world around us, and we have already lost a young person due to fears of being trapped at home with nothing but their own mind to listen to.
Today, I would like to share a few personal accounts and 5 tips I have found to help me turn loneliness into solitude whilst spending time alone abroad. I have learnt to embrace my own company, and listen to my thoughts and fears rather than to wage an internal war with them. I hope this can help lead you down that path also.
If you have read my previous blog posts, you will know that my first proper trip alone was to a smaller, most western canary island called La Palma. I booked a couple of days there straight after the Christmas holidays, just before my friend would be back to travel with me. I couldn’t pass up the price in the Boxing Day sales, and despite my fears I put my card details in and checked out. I booked myself a hostel on the other side of the island from the airport and away I went.
Now, growing up I was always a very solitary and independent child. I would spend days alone in my room making up stories, reading, or singing. However, during my time at university I came to realise that I am very much so an extrovert, and that a lot of my mental illness came from loneliness and abandonment issues. Pair all of this with severe anxiety and depression, it is safe to say that without the distraction of social interaction, my mind is an absolute war zone. How on earth was I supposed to explore a tiny, very calm island with my only social interaction being bus drivers and supermarket cashiers?
Fast forward a few months, and I have become a master at spending time alone. I lived in a tiny alpine town all by myself, with no friends closer than a 30 minute train away. This lockdown is nothing out of the ordinary for me now, except we are only allowed to walk for an hour maximum daily. Here are a few things that helped me.
1. Be your own best friend.
This is going to sound absolutely crazy at first, I know, but hear me out. When we think of a best friend, we often think of someone who has been with us through thick and thin, who knows our deepest secrets, and someone who we have a lot in common with, who we can tell everything to without judgement.
No one knows you better than yourself.
You will never have more in common with anyone than you do with yourself.
So why not befriend yourself? One of the strangest things I remember about being a child was my ability to talk to myself as if there was another person in the room. I would tell myself everything, even though I clearly knew what I was thinking or doing. As a teenager I used to think I was absolutely mad, but now I find it helps me to process my thoughts and feelings, rather than keeping them bottled up. I suppose you could say it’s just another form of writing letters or diary entries.
On my first night in La Palma, I went for a sunset hike up to see the petroglyphs a half hour’s walk away from where I was staying. It was so silent and deserted that I was starting to get a little spooked, completely overthought everything and convinced myself I was going to get murdered out there. My phone was dead, and I had no one with me to reassure me, so I spoke to myself. I told myself my fears, I reassured myself that everything was okay, and then I spoke about my surroundings to myself. When I got to the petroglyphs I even spoke my thoughts aloud about the markings and what they meant. By the time I got back to the hostel, I felt like I had been on a hike with a friend, and felt uplifted.
There’s a saying in Irish, “ar mhaithe leis féin a bhíonn an cat ag crónán”, which roughly translates to, “when a cat purrs it heals itself”, and honestly I believe speaking to yourself works just as well. Method behind the madness.
2. Allow yourself to think.
For many of us with mental illnesses, this one can be absolutely terrifying. Our thoughts are our worst enemies. However, we have to face them some day. You can’t just let a wound fester, you have to treat it.
Something that I found throughout my whole journey, was that allowing myself the space to think and process my thoughts actually led me to some amazing realisations about myself, and allowed me to draw conclusions and let go of traumas I thought I would carry with me forever. I got this idea from some of the hippies I encountered during my time in the canaries, as many of them dedicated their mornings to meditation.
Meditation isn’t easy, and I for one just have never been able to master it. Instead, I opt for some very poetic music (usually very sad indie songs) and just let my mind wander. I found that using this method whilst on a really scenic bus journey really allowed me to delve into my past, which when faced with such a beautiful present led me to be super appreciative of what I have, and proud of the journey I went through to get there. This method definitely helped me to reap the benefits of meditation without the scary formality of it.
Another brilliant way that you can process your thoughts as they run wild, is using a journal. I’ve seen so many people suggest this method, and sometimes when I’m feeling like being in silence I prefer this over listening to music. Find a notebook you don’t use anymore and write down every thought you have as it comes for 5-10 minutes. You can look back on this and reflect on your thoughts, and it’s a brilliant way to see your progress as well. I found my old journals from when I was younger and the change in my mental state is absolutely insane. So don’t be afraid to use this time to get your thoughts in order, and shine light on them scary shadows.
3. Get in touch with nature.
In a world where many of us spend most of our lives indoors, whether it be in offices, pubs, watching netflix, many of us can count on one hand the amount of times we have really taken time to connect with nature in the past few months. Everything in our lives is quickly becoming artificial, influenced by adverts and negative posts online, we are quickly forgetting where we as a species come from.
As children, we would beg and yearn to play outside. Cover ourselves in muck, put flowers through our hair and stain our clothes and knees with green from falling in the grass. Much of our current pleasures come from natural things, such as the smell of freshly cut grass, the sound of the rain against our windows, or even the feeling of the sun against our skin. Yet we often deprive ourselves of this on a daily basis.
One day when I was feeling extremely low whilst living in Austria, I took myself to a tiny town in Switzerland only an hour away by train. I turned my phone off, and I just walked. I followed the road out of the town, and wandered the country roads. I watched the birds of prey circling around, appreciated the beauty of the mountains and the stillness of the fields.
During lockdown, we are allowed one hour of exercise per day. My mission for everyone reading this post is to turn your phone off, and take yourself outside for that hour. Listen to the birds. Watch the bumblebees. Feel the cold on your fingers, the wind on your cheeks, or the sun on your face. Sniff the flowers as you see them. Sit in the grass. Take a moment to remember what life really is about. I guarantee you will return home uplifted.
4. Get creative.
One of the main reasons us humans are so frustrated is because we have no way to express ourselves. We have no outlets for all these emotions that come with living in the modern world. Since the dawn of time, our species have expressed itself through art, song, and dance. However, thanks to capitalisation and perfectionism, we often feel we don’t have time to be creative unless we are making a profit. It’s time to stop that mindset.
Normally, I would paint or fumble about on the guitar as a form of creative release, but since living abroad meant I didn’t have these things, I decided to write this blog, and create YouTube videos. Let me tell you, this has helped me exponentially with regards to expressing my feelings and stimulating my tired and frustrated little brain.
Creativity is linked to reducing stress and negative feelings, and boosting endorphins. Often we feel a sense of calm wash over us during, or after the activity. One way to beat loneliness and become at peace with your own solitude is to spend time with yourself in a constructive manner. The next time you feel the urge to write a post on Facebook or twitter, instead of refreshing the page for validation from likes and retweets, I urge you to pick up a pen or paintbrush and write or draw something instead. Make this a habit. You’ll thank me later.
5. Read something that isn’t off your phone screen.
As I’ve said before, our lives in this day and age revolve around our phones. I myself am addicted to mine, and I’m trying each day to climb out of the rabbit hole of constantly scrolling. It’s hard.
Social media is so addictive, yet it’s also so toxic. I noticed it was definitely having an effect on my mood and how I viewed the world, especially during this pandemic when everything seems so apocalyptic and chaotic. It’s so important to try and take a break from this, and read something that isn’t about Covid-19, or how much our Áine hates her neighbours from across the way, or how our Steven can’t find nappies for his child. Of course, these issues are serious and people really should stop panic buying, but your brain needs a break from the negativity or you will quite literally drive yourself mad.
I aim to read at least one chapter of a book outside of my own studies each day. However, this could also extend to reading an article about a field you’re interested in, a play, or even a poem. Something that isn’t linked to social media, emails or stress.
Your mind is a reflection of everything you expose it to. Don’t poison it with negativity. Feed it and nourish it with knowledge and positive words. You’ll both feel the benefit in the end.
I could go on and on about this all day, but I feel like 5 tips is plenty without me boring you all any longer, and for you to work on during this lockdown.
Being alone can be absolutely terrifying, but it can also be extremely liberating at the same time. I really do hope this post helps you to create a better relationship with yourself, and helps you to learn to love your own company as much as I love mine.
Stay safe, and don’t forget to nigh do lámha! We will get through this.
Is mise,
Sam.
Cumha 